Hypoxia and Medicine

Would you be upset if your spouse came home drunk and left you with the mess?

My husband and I have been married for 11 years. I really do love him and we have a great marriage normally. We are past that whole immature stage where we pick fights with one another, or nag and complain, etc. We are just a normal married couple. My husband is not much of a drinker. He has a chronic illness where one unit of alcohol is actually good for him, so he usually has one bottle of beer with his dinner. I have no problems with this. But drinking excessively is NOT good at all for his condition. He usually gets drunk once a year at his work's Christmas party. The other evening he was going to his class reunion. He decided to walk there and back as it was only one mile from our house and he thought he might have a few drinks (no driving). So at 5:30 pm I kissed him goodbye and told him not to drink too much and to be careful. He said that he would only have a few drinks and that he'd probably be home early. I waited up for him to make sure that he got home safe. When 3:00 am came, I decided to go to bed. He stumbles in the door at 3:30 am with red eyes and he stinks like he bathed in a barrel of whiskey. He kicks off his shoes and climbs in bed and immediately falls asleep. I don't say anything and I go back to sleep as well. At 5:30 am, my husband sits upright in bed and vomits everywhere. I jumped up and turned on the lights and pulled him over to my side of the bed. I get him a bucket and he promptly pukes into that again. He is sitting there with vomit and drool dripping down his chin, so I get him a glass of water and wipe up his face. I pull off his clothes and cover him with my blanket and stripped down his side of the bed. I spent the next half hour getting the blankets, sheets and his clothes into the wash and scrubbing the mattress while he passes out again. After I am done all that, I have no choice but to go and sleep in our daughter's bed with her while our mattress is drying. The next afternoon when he wakes up he says "Thanks for last night". And I just said "Yup." He then asks me if I am upset and I replied that I thought what he did was really stupid. I told him that he shouldn't be drinking like that with his medical condition, he shouldn't be walking home alone in the city drunk and that he promised me that he wouldn't drink to the excess and instead he pukes around in our bed. He thinks I'm overreacting. Would you be upset if your spouse did this? Please be honest as I don't really know if I am overreacting. Thanks!

Public Comments

1. We have done this for each other in our marriage, only once each if I remember correctly. You should be only upset that he isn't taking care of himself. Why didn't you go to his reunion? That's odd to me. Tell him next time he can just sleep in his own puke if he isn't going to start taking better care of himself. Also, he might be developing a drinking problem, watch out for that and tell him to, as well.
2. Yes. I would be pissed. First of all, he is acting careless about his condition and putting himself at risk, which is stupid. Second, if I was up all night cleaning his vomit and cleaning the sheets and everything I would probably be pretty cranky the next day too, he should understand. Lets see you vomit all of the place and see how happy he is about scrubbing and washing all night.
3. yes i would be upset but the truth is ,is that it has passed.hopefully he will learn a lesson and not continue to do this. let it go,ya cant change the past.
4. You are not overreacting. I would have made him clean it up. If the tables were turned, I would not expect someone to clean up my stupid mistake. You should forgive him, but a little appreciation might be nice.
5. I pretty much feel that anytime I have to clean up someone else's vomit from excessive alcohol that it's okay if I get upset about it and if he has a medical conditional then of course you would be concerned. I don't think you are overreacting -- if your spouse pukes in your bed when you are in it, well then, being upset is warranted.
6. Things happen. At least he came home to you and thanked you for what you did the next morning... he's your husband, for better or worse, you love him right? Sometimes you have to do things like this. No big deal. Remember that if he was at a reunion like you say, he probably won't see those people ever again
7. It wasn't good that he got that drunk. But I would say sense this doesn't happen every weekend I think its ok to forgive him. He made a mistake and you had to be his mommy for one night. I used to have to do this for my husband all the time and the last time he did which was a month ago I left our home and didn't come ack until the next day. But he drove drunk! I was so angry with him. I still have a lot of anger towards him for everything he has put us through. But I think you should forgive your hubby, it was only one time. Good luck!
8. Is he a binge drinking alcoholic? If so, he needs help like AA. Tell his doctor what is going on. Tell him about Dr. Daniel Amen's website. He says alcohol is not a health food and it kills brain cells. It also damages the liver. Yes, I'd be upset because this is a bad example for his daughter. However, it seems to be at social functions - is he inept and uncomfortable with social situations? Why don't you go with him? That may help him be more at ease. Joy to you!
9. Hmmmm....if he got that sick from drinking it means he's probably not much of a drinker...which is good.....let's hope that if and when you go to your school reunion and drink too much that he'll clean up after you, take care of you....whatever it takes. It was nice that he thanked you. As I see it, you have two choices here: to resent the fact that you had to do this or love him and know that you did this because you love him. Your concern isn't really about the mess it would seem, but rather about him putting himself in danger as you mention - his illness, walking home alone etc. It's like when our child gets hurt and we react by saying "you shouldn't have ....whatever whatever...." They don't need to hear that. They just need us to hug them, love them and be there for them. I think the other thing you may want to let your husband know is that next time, if there ever is a next time, would he please call you and let you know he's okay and could he arrange for a ride home ahead of time somehow...maybe a designated driver so you know that he'll be okay. Some thoughts this evening. You are not overreacting. There's no such thing. You are reacting - that's human. What you did was kind and loving. It sounds to me like he knows and appreciates that, but probably doesn't want to dwell on the stupidity(nevermind grossness) of what he did. You're a good woman. He knows it. :)
10. Eh, the fact it was an isolated incident, I would give it a pass. If he made a habit out of it, we would have a problem. My husband had a St. Patty's day go like that once, he normally never drinks. I was more worried about him than mad. Besides, the hang over was far worse than anything I could have done to him.
11. No you are not over-reacting, and yes I would be upset too. I would not have cleaned up the bedroom, I would have slept on the couch, and left him to sleep in his own mess and clean it up in the morning. My hubby ocasionally drinks too much too. Its very immature and unbecoming for a middle aged man. Particularly to the point of vomiting everywhere, or falling down and spraining his ankle (as my hubby recently did, meaning I had to take the day off work to take him to the hospital and get him comfortable when he got home.. and all because he wanted to get p*ssed!?!!) Mind you, I can laugh about it now. But not at the time!